Fear of failure plagues us all and that is what may be behind his resistance.

Endless advertising of ever changing latest and greatest cell phones and computer products can certainly be very intimidating to those who have not grown up in the computer age. Yet, I have come across a growing number of seniors that could not live without their laptops and cells.

My own dad asked for his first computer for his 70^th birthday. He signed up for a course at the local senior’s center and learned some very basic skills. Mostly he used it for e-mails, but he also signed up for some on line newspapers, played solitaire and loved his collection of digital family pictures. It kept him busy for hours on end and it made him feel felt connected to others.  The computer cable was the link that bonded him with the grandkids as they would visit and help him out when he hit a computer glitch.

Think about passing down an older computer to your dad next time you upgrade, and check out what the senior center in your community is offering in training.

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Q: I worry endlessly about my mom living on her own in her late 80’s. When we have talk about Assisted Living, she says she does not want to be with those old folks.  She is quite alert and able to do a lot for herself. As her only child I feel a huge pressure to be with her a lot and tend to her needs. Unfortunately it is not practical for me, as I travel a lot for work. Is she better off alone with some outside help, or to relocate?

I understand your dilemma and there are many of us out there asking the same question.

If your mother’s home is senior friendly meaning: safety upgrades to her bathroom, no stairs, has proper lighting, an emergency call system and is located  in a safe neighborhood, staying in place makes sense. As long as she eats properly and has some social connections and you check in with her regularly, she should be fine.

There is another type of residence for seniors that might be an option to consider. That is “Independent Living.” In order to reside in these places you have to be able to take care of yourself. The residents are independently mobile and mentally competent. This may fit your mom’s lifestyle better. The benefit of living in this type of housing is that they offer 24hr security, a meal plan, some activities and companionship with other seniors that are also independent.

Q: My 81-year-old father still thinks he can do handyman duties around the house (including climbing ladders, using power tools, etc.) How do I convince him this could be dangerous, and how can I get him to stop?

A: We tend to get overly protective of our elderly parents in our efforts to keep them safe. We certainly don’t want Dad to get electrocuted, fall off a ladder or Mom to get burned lifting hot pans from the oven. I believe people should be able to do as much as they can do. If there is some risk involved, then it should be discussed. Maybe some safeguards can be put in place or compromises made. I’d be cautious about taking away hobbies or tasks that help people feel useful. Everyone needs a reason to get out of bed in the morning. For elders whose  bodies—and sometimes minds—seem to betray them more each day, this is a issue.

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Q: Do people really become less interested in friendship and socializing as they get older?

A: People don’t lose interest in social relationships as they get older. However their interests and objectives for socializing do change. Whereas younger people are interested in  exploring new relationships, older adults are interested primarily in relating to the people who are already important to them—that is, longstanding friends and especially family members. These enduring and cherished relationships remain as important as ever, and may even become more important.

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Laughing at ourselves…

*****An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and  one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it highly.” The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?” The fi rst man  thought and thought and fi nally said, “What is the name of that fl ower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.” “Do you mean a rose?” “Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

*****A man was telling his neighbour, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.” “Really,” answered the neighbour, “What kind is it?” “Twelve thirty.”

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■ Eve Silverman runs Age-Rite Consulting and Services, which assists older individuals through the diffi culties that result from losing one’s independence. Find her at www.age-rite.com or 604-377-0710.